“my turn” said Hannah

As Bob crawled back to work, Hannah announced she didn’t feel well, and on closer inspection, she has a massive abcess on her left tonsil. So we made our bi-weekly pilgrimage to the GP and she’s on antibiotics. She looks ghastly. 😦 I think we all need some sun 🙂

On Sunday, Hannah had a friend over for the afternoon. She was asked if she had a boyfriend, and told her bedroom wallpaper was babyish (it is, and we keep offering to change it, but she keeps putting us off). She was horrified to see Hannah’s Sylvanian Family stuff sitting around, and went “please tell me you DO NOT play with that, that would be so weird!” She was horrified she didn’t have a TV in her bedroom (Hannah reported on taking her home that the child had a 32 ins flat screen with Sky in her bedroom – better than we have in the living room), and Bob gave up the rugby to let them watch TV in the living room, Hannah was so stressed.  Which makes it sound like she was a horrible kid, and she wasn’t. She was polite and chatty to both Bob and I, and was very likeable. It was just Hannah had such high hopes of this friendship, which has developed over months at running club, and I could just see how different she was. Despite looking like a 15 year old, she has (thank goodness), no interest in boys, is completely unaware of sexuality, still plays with toys, etc etc. I could see this girl was thinking “weird”.  With only three of us in the house, I’ve never felt the need for more than 1 TV, and while she can play DVDs on her laptop if she wants, I prefer her to do her TV watching and her web surfing in the living room. I’m left having my perennial question: is she different because she doesn’t go to school, or did we not send her to school because she was different, and we suspected it would be too much. Because at that time for us, it wasn’t a political statement. No one was more surprised to find themselves home educating than we were! In lots of ways we are so mainstream – she’s immunised, and I think that’s the right thing to do. She’s on an antibiotic because I think she really needs one. And yet she doesn’t get a TV in her room because I don’t feel comfortable with her sitting up there by herself watching it. So she can’t have a discussion about the soaps. She’s never asked for a TV either, to be fair. It’s not something I’ve proscribed, its just never been an issue. Oh, FFS, I wish I knew this was all OK.

Anyway…..Monday the MPH6 stuff arrived, so we spent some time doing that, she did some education city, and we went for a wet woodland walk 😉 I wheezed and puffed my inhaler. Monday evening Hannah was at Guides.

Tuesday I think she did some Bond Reasoning stuff, read the new Alex Ryder book, and started to feel a bit ill, as she didn’t want to go to running club.

Yesterday I worked at home, and she messed about with some Chinese New Year crafts, plus painted several tee shirts. Bob came home and cooked a Chinese meal, and I popped out to see a coaching client. Neither of us made it because of an accident on the bypass, which closed the road for about 8 hours. We’d both been in the jam for about an hour, and were no where near meeting, so we decided to call it a day and re-schedule. So home to nice food and wine. It was obvious by then that Hannah wasn’t going to be fit today, so I re-scheduled todays meetings and took a flexi day.

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6 Comments »

  1. Roslyn said

    Don’t panic all is ok. Mine don’t have a TV (well they do but it’s for DVD only. I do like the idea of them having their own TV room though! Maybe that’s the lots of children under my feet syndrome.

    Mine all play with toys and dolls as do their close friends (schooled) and would tell anyone who took the piss to sod off (I’ve heard Pea do it). I played with my Barbies until I was about 14 LOL!

    All families are different either to beliefs or for ease or whatever, I don’t know if any of think we’re getting it right though.

  2. Elaine said

    Jenny loves her dolls at the moment more so than when she was younger she enjoys making clothes for them so maybe a more sophisticated level of play . We just got some posters and one is winnie the pooh.
    Do you know Joyce yes kids who dress for the boys and know the latest chart hits are still great kids, but, they have missed a natural stage in their development, they have not learnt to cook, sew, manage money or empathise before becoming practising adults and that is why we have a pre-ordained career driven society where homes are utility units with freezers , microwaves and the childminders number programmed into the phone.
    Do not doubt yourself it is our children who will add colour to the world.

  3. tbird said

    Sending huge get well soon vibes to Hannah and STAY WELL vibes to you!

    I’m not sure having “mainstreem” beliefs on medicine really makes you therefore need to buy into the whole awful consumerism and pampering to your child’s every real and imaginary need.

    I always stood out at school as being “different” (no, really? I hear you cry 😛 ) and school didn’t do much to change that, just to trample it down a bit until I realised it was okay to be me. It’s not like you have her totally excluded from the outside world or anything!

  4. HelenHaricot said

    well, i have had a similar style wobble, though obviously different age related. i think it is not my role to be peer pressure.and that perhaps we will be different, but she is different already, i haven’t ‘made’ her so, it is a combination i guess of the genes she has inherited, and how chris and i live. and perhaps it is why i worry about school.
    i have obviously no advice, except that a chat with hannah on her terms as to what she thinks might be best moves – i think though a firm reassurance she can be who she is, and that the friendship needs to be based on that basis. but there will be lots of other common ground.
    hugs though for angst.

  5. Roslyn said

    Oh Elaine, they CAN dress to impress, know all the latest chart hits, sew a dress, cook for 10 and play with their dolls, organise a data base for a company with £3million takings, strop at not having the right bowl for breakfast, design a window display through coral draw and suck their thumb all day long.

  6. Joyce said

    Ros, you are absolutely right, and I think if she had more balance like that, I would be happier. My worry is that she doesn’t have any interest in current teen culture, and I wonder if that is down to me, and us being older. So for example, I’ve never forbidden soaps – well, actually I don’t forbid much. But I don’t watch them, so she just isn’t exposed. The music she hears in the house on a day to day basis isn’t radio 1 – again, just because it wasn’t what we were listening too. If she wanted too, she could. But I didn’t think of deliberately exposing to those things, and now she isn’t interested. And while to me, none of that makes her less interesting or bright or funny, I *can* imagine how she finds it hard to fit in with other kids who are more skewed the other way. I think one of the reasons she likes your girls so much is that they are very good at straddling both ends of the spectrum. I’m not explaining myself very well – I just see her desperately wanting friends, and yet not being good at getting on with them on their terms, if their interests are different. And yes, it should be a two way thing, but actually the other kids have a much bigger pool to pick from, so they aren’t necessarily going to make that effort.

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