The sound of silence

Aitch and I had a major falling out this morning, so Bob has taken her up Ben Lomond for the day. I wasn’t invited in case I pushed them off. It’s like no matter what I do, think or say, it’s the wrong thing. I’m trying to be adult about it, but it is so bloody hurtful when she is mouthing me off the entire time. And THEN smart asses try to tell me it’s because I didn’t get her whipped into shape when she was two. It was all that breastfeeding till she wanted to stop that caused it, apparently. ARGH. Then an hour after she’s told me how horrible I am to her, she’s crying and apologising and telling me she didn’t mean it. Then 30 minutes later she’s doing it again. And yet I compare it to me at 11, given minimal attention  as my parents were too busy caring for a disabled and dying child, and I think that at least H must feel secure enough to be horrible to me, as I was far too conscious that I must never do anything to add to the family stress that I was far too good for my own long term good. Compliance was my middle name.

Ho hum. I have this friend who is considering moving her daughter’s school, (she’s a year older than H), as she doesn’t think she is working hard enough. Argh again. She talks all the time about being worried that she will “waste this opportunity” or “won’t reach her potential”, and I think maybe I’m doing this all wrong. Maybe it’s turning 11 that’s doing it, as 95% of me still believes what we are doing is right, but 5% is completely terrified that she’s turn round in another few years, and say it’s my fault she isn’t doing whatever.

I think the other thing is that she is missing Bob being around so much. I really like him being on days, but he is working stupidly hard. If he get’s home at 9pm, then I still get to spend time with him, but H is usually on the point of going to bed. She she feels she’s losing the benefits of shifts – having him around in the mornings, without the benefits of having him on normal hours. Anyway, they can bond up a bloody mountain today!

Anyway, have actually had a rather pleasant day. Proof read my web site, wrote some articles to feed onto the blog on the site over the first few weeks, went for a long walk, bought suncream for the holiday etc, and that cheered me up.

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1 Comment »

  1. oh dear 😦 I do think it’s in the rules though taht you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t is’t it?

    Hope they both come back from their jaunt civilised!

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